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(1 Greastest Heartbreak | Best Intentions)

[05 Nov 2008|09:16pm]

Did you ever think that you weren't enough?

(1 Greastest Heartbreak | Best Intentions)

[23 Nov 2005|01:09pm]
[ mood | cold ]

It's either really fucking cold in my house or really fucking hot....right now it's really fucking cold.

So Lansdowne recently purchased the most amazing van ever. You can check it out on our myspace www.myspace.com/lansdowne it's in the latest blog....it is amazing. I'm going on a trip to NY on saturday to pick it up with Jon so it's gonna be sweet. I'm enjoying my four days in a row off. Lansdowne is preparing for our show schedule which will hopefully start in December if all goes as planned. I'm still really cold so I'm going to go hide under a blanket now.

(1 Greastest Heartbreak | Best Intentions)

long time no see [11 Nov 2005|12:04am]
So I figured I haven't updated this in a long time so I should.

I've been doing a lot of working and stuff so that's been a blast. The bands been practicing and the best news we have is that someone invested $10,000 in us so we can record our cd which will be out in June of '06. If you haven't heard us yet you can check us out at www.myspace.com/lansdowne or go to www.lansdownerock.com I've been hanging out with Amanda a lot and that's been great. Went and saw TREOS the other night with Paul and Amanda and treos as usual was ridiculously amazing. Um yeah so I dunno....I suck at these things now. Check out the band if you haven't. I'll update again in a year or so.

(4 Greastest Heartbreaks | Best Intentions)

[19 Sep 2005|09:54pm]
My heart has been torn to 5000 pieces and thrown into the breeze to float around the world for all to witness.

(5 Greastest Heartbreaks | Best Intentions)

lame [30 Aug 2005|12:51am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I miss every friend that was a true friend that past with time.

I don't miss every current friend that's too much of a dickwad to take five seconds and call me and ask me to hang out, yet you wait for me to call you, and even then it's iffy.

(Best Intentions)

[29 Aug 2005|01:34pm]
[ mood | scared ]

I feel like shit. I work too much and get not enough sleep. I don't mind the working, it's just the lack of sleep that's getting to me. I went to work with four hours of sleep the other day. It's also getting to me that college is starting for everyone, and I can't help but feel like everything is gonna blow up in my face...with a lot of things. I don't really have much of anything to do but work, which in the long run I think will be good for me. I really needed some sort of break from schooling. I was unhappy learning at school every day, it was starting to get tedious and I needed a break. I plan on taking from now until January to save up some money and possibly take myself on a vacation. I'd like to move out by the time I go to school too. In brighter news, the band has a guitarist that we'll be working with in the near future so I'm excited for that I suppose.

Nothing seems to be going right at the moment and I'm hungry.

(1 Greastest Heartbreak | Best Intentions)

worrkkk [06 Aug 2005|06:32am]
[ mood | tired ]

I figured I'd do a quick update before I head to work. Lately I've been pretty busy. Things with Amanda have been perfect. I hung out with her for a little while the other day, then she slept over the other night. We stayed up until about 4 in the morning talking and hanging out in my bed. I love spending time with her. Things are so much better now than they ever were and I'm really happy I have her. I went to Fire and Ice last night with Shawn and Christine and it made me sick. I have to start working at the Old North Church gift shop today which should be a lot better than my old job. I'm gonna be working in Connecticuit for the next three weeks Monday-Friday and at the church on Saturdays. Then after that I'll be working full time at the church. So my summer is pretty much over for me. It went up and down most of the time but it ended on a good note with Amanda so I'm happy. I'm looking forward to being able to do the band full time too and playing more shows. Should be fun.

(1 Greastest Heartbreak | Best Intentions)

[23 Jul 2005|06:03pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

I think it's funny. All the people in my school that are my friends have always done drugs and or drank since I can remember. Then there were the "other" kids that gave my friends shit for the stuff they did. Now four years later those "other" kids have become complete hypocrits and started drinking themselves. MMM I love our world and the hypocricy that flows in everyones veins.
I never gave anyone shit for the stuff they did and I got the same respect in return. So everyone in high school that I was friends with that didn't give a fuck that I didn't do stuff thanks for being that way. To the "other" kids....you're hypocrits.

(5 Greastest Heartbreaks | Best Intentions)

[12 Jul 2005|12:22pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

So what do you think?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

(Best Intentions)

My Band. [11 Jul 2005|02:51pm]

This is my new band. You should go listen to it, love it, buy a cd, and come see us at a show. Leave feedback...good or bad. I'm not in pics cause I'm still new. Thanks!

(Best Intentions)

[10 Jul 2005|02:29pm]
[ mood | happy ]

mmm so life has been very good. minus overworking.ive been making a good amount of money though which is very good. uhhh my girlfriend is super amazing. my new band is pretty good, we have shows coming up which im super excited for....my girlfriend is super amazing....ive been hanging with shawn a lot....my girlfriend is super amazing....hung out with lisa and shawn last night for a short while....did i mention my girlfriend is super amazing....that is all. :-)

(Best Intentions)

boredome [24 Jun 2005|02:24pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

1.What Time is it now?

2.Single or taken?
Taken <3 Even though she's dying at the moment.

3.What does your name mean?

4.Who picked out your name?
My dad picked my original name and middle and last then when i was about 1 or 2 my mom changed the middle and last names to what they are now.

5.whats your nickname?
Tom, Tommy, and by one person xTomx

6.What color are your eyes?
blue (yeah they're cooler than yours"
7.Do you have an innie or an outie?

8.What size are your shoes?

9.How tall (or short) are you?

10.Honestly what do you like about yourself?
my hair when its not being lame and my eyes rock

11.What do you always get complimented on?
eyes and hair

12.worst quality?
I get bored really easily and I start to go insane

13.What are the last four digits of your phone Number?

14.Do you think you're cute?
as a button
15.Hair colour?
dirty blonde

16. Do u wear contacts?

17.Living Arrangements?
me and my mom

18.Favorite drink?
arizona iced tea

20.Favorite Month?
June durr.

21.Favorite Food?

22.Favorite Board Game?
Star Wars Monopoly haha

24.Favourite Clothing Brand?
Express for men and american eagle pants (best of both worlds)

25.Favorite day of the Year?
First day of summer

26.Favorite colour?

27.Favorite Animal?

28.Do you have more girl or boy friends?
I think it's pretty even

29.Who are your your best friends?
Shawn and Amanda

30.Are your parents together?
mmm no

31.How often do you get together with the family?
haha never ever ever never. I got a card from my grandmother I haven't seen in 11 years

32.Do you see your parents or your friends more?

33. Anything special about your parents?
mmm nope

34.Siblings and their ages.
i have a half brother thats supposedly 15

35.u think you are a flirt?
when I'm single yes i am

36.You're slutty?
nope :-P

37.you're Mean?

38.You like someone?
yes i do her name is Amanda

39. Can you keep a secret?

40.You dance in front of the mirror?

41.You sing in the shower?
42.You liked Britney Spears?
mmm she used to be so hot

43.You've liked a cousin?
nope sadly

44.you've been in the opposites bathrooms?

45.Ever hurt anyone?
most likely

46.You've been hurt?

47.You swear?
i never used to until a certain couple swore too much so now i do

48.You get your way?
if i should get it :-D

49.You're willing to try new things?

50.You've cheated on a test?
quizzes yes, i dont think on a test

51.What are you wearing?
the jeans and studded belt that is lept in

52.What color are your pants?

53.What are you listening to?
Norma Jean

54.How are you feeling?
tired and hungry because iw oke up at 1:30 and didnt eat

55.what are you doing now?
Sitting here talking to nobody except this little thinger

56i wish anything

57.How's the weather?
It was nice out earlier but i dont open my windows

58.What books are you reading?
ew books

59.How many lip glosses do you have?

60.What perfume do you use?

61.What's in your purse?

62. tall or short boy?

63.blonde or brunette guys?

64.Boxers showing?

65. Long hair or short hair on boys?

66.What's the first thing you notice in a guy?

67.What kind of cologne do you use?
Victorias secret very sexy for him2

68. Whats in your pockets?

69.Boxers or briefs?

70.Blonde or brunette girls?
I tend to go for brunettes

71.Tall or short girls

72.Piercings on girls?
it doesnt matter to me

73.Long or short hair on girls?

74.Good or bad girl
gotta have both

75.What do you find annoying in girls?
they all think that theyre fat even when theyre skinnier than me

76.What's the first thing you notice about girls?


77. the last movie you saw?
Saw (on the train last night to band practice)

78. what did you have for dinner?
Wendys around 9 and mcdonalds around 2am haha

79. what are hoping for?
for my girlfriend to feel better cause i miss her

80.What movie do you really want to see?
Hitchikers guide tot he galaxy

81.Where is your favourite place to travel?
quit places, i really wanna go to a farm for like a week and just sit there with a few people

82.What did you last dream about?
I had a dream last night that i was in a car and we ran over two cats and it really upset me

83.What was the last thing you ate?

84.If you were a crayon what color what would you be?

85.Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
my boss i think

86. Do you like the person that sent this to you?
i dont know them that well

87.Ever had a crush on a teacher?
Ms. Wolf 143 <3 sigh haha

88.Are you too shy to ask someone out?
I used to be

89.Scary movies or happy ending?

90.Summer or winter?
|mmm winter=snowboarding

91.Relationships or one night stands?
hah relationship

92.Chocolate or Vanilla ice cream?

93.Do you want your friends to write back?
i dont really care

94.Who is most likely to respond?
i dont know

95.Who is least likely to respond?
i dont know who readst his

96.What did you do last night?
I had band practice from 10:30-1:30 haha

97.Anything else you want to add?
i cant stop coughing

98.Time finishing?

(3 Greastest Heartbreaks | Best Intentions)

Hmmm [22 Jun 2005|12:59pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

Well I'm bored so I figured I'd update this thinger. My birthday was last Friday and me and Amanda starting going out again Thursday night/Friday morning. Shawn took me to get my tattoos which came out wicked cool and I like them a lot. As the guy was finishing up Amanda showed up to surprise me for a minute, and it was really nice to see her again, I missed her a lot. Then me and Shawn did nothing for a little while and we met up with Pati, Steph, Buddy, Meriem, and Amanda at Chili's but I've been sick so I didn't really eat anything. After we went to Meriem's and hung out for a few then Amanda gave me my birthday present which was a picture of us from my prom in a nice frame and I liked that a lot. Saturday me and Christine went out and hit up Boston Market for lunch which is always an amazing place to eat at. We ran some errands she had to do then I decided to get my behind the ear industrial which came out sweet. Saturday night didn't really do anything. Sunday was sweet, I met up with Goyak and we picked up Cate and Kelly. Headed up to Chunky's in Haverhill to see The longest Yard which surprisingly didn't suck and had some funny stuff in it. After we decided to go bowling at Boston Bowl at which I proceeded to rock everyone as Schloob. I beat Goyak at DDR. It's sad I can actually semi play that game but oh well. Then I went home and passed out I think. Amanda came over monday and we hung out and watched Babe the pig haha. It was really nice to be with her again, she's a wicked amazing girl and deserves the best which I hope I give her. Then she had to leave so I think I sat home. I kind of can't remember what I did because I've been so sick. Yesterday I sat home all day and tried to help Amanda with her tonsil attack and then I went to the doctors finally. It was the dickhead doctor that I hate and he hurt my industrial and told me I could have asthma...which I'm pretty sure I don't because I've been pretty active my whole life and never had a problem. Then came home and went out with Shawn to Dangelos and got Brandi and her friend Jen and we went to Mickey's for pool in which was uhhh interesting. Then to the convenience store where I proceeded to buy my first scratch ticket and lose. Then we chilled at my house for a while. Stayed up a little after they left then passed out.

My summers turning around. My girlfriend is amazing, my new band is amazing and I'm looking forward to it, my friends are chill. Aside from this sickness that I have everything is going very well.

(Best Intentions)

Im bored [19 Jun 2005|03:43pm]
[ mood | cold ]

____Your Life____
[x] they call me: Tom
[x] sex: I'm a dude
[x] my first breath of air: June 17th 1987
[x] occupation: Musician, Carpenter, and Gift shop cashier

[x] most memorable memory: LIAWOG shows at the Summit cafe last summer
[x] first words uttered: I have no clue
[x] first best friend ever: Mmmm this kid Leo in preschool
[x] love is: Tricky
[x] Been in love?: yeah
[x] love or lust: lust is fun, love is amazing
[x] best love song: Hmmm......The Nights She Died-Left Unsaid
[x] true or false: true
[x] Is there such thing as love at first sight?: I think so

__Opposite Sex__
[x] turn ons: Hip bones, eyes and hands
[x] do your parents' opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: Nope
[x] sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex did for you?: I can't think of anything amazing coming to mind at the moment
[x] where do you go to meet new people?: Uhh shows and friends
[x] are you the type of person to HOLLER and ask for numbers?: no
[x] short hair or long hair?: i like my longer hair and i like my girlfriends even longer hair

[x] dog or cat: beagle
[x] sunshine or rain: sun
[x] hugs or kisses: kisses
[x] 1 best friend or 10 acquaintances: 1 best friend
[x] summer or winter: spring
[x] written letters or emails: written letters are fun
[x] playstation or nintendo: playstation
[x] car or motorcycle: car
[x] house party or club: house all the way
[x] sing or dance: i cant do either
[x] freak or slow dance: slow

[x] how are you today?: my head hurts but im happy
[x] what pants are you wearing right now?: my pajamas for the first time in a long time
[x] what shirt are you wearing right now?: this pinkish red shirt
[x] what does your hair look like at the moment?: i dunno, the same as it always does
[x] what song are you listening to right now?: This Place is a Prison-The postal Service
[x] how is the weather right now?: I dunno my blinds are closed
[x] what time is it?: 3:47 pm

__More About You__
[x] What are the last 4 didgits of your phone #: 3221
[x] if you were a crayon, what color would you be?: red
[x] have you ever almost died?: kinda
[x] what's the best advice ever given to you?: I've had a lot of amazing advice in my lifetime, I can't pick out one
[x] have you ever won any special awards?: My old band won a battle of the bands once haha
[x] what's the stupidest thing you've ever done?: according to my mom, getting these stars on my hands but i like them haha
[x] how many kids do you want to have?: In the future...far far away...really really far away....2
[x] have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone?: sprained my wrist a lot, broke my toe, and my nose
[x] who do you tell your dreams to?: nobody, i usually forget them
[x] is cheerleading a sport?: mmm no

___This or That___
[x] blue/pink: blue
[x] summer/fall: fall
[x] winter/spring: spring
[x] pencil/pen: pen
[x] white eraser/pink eraser: pink
[x] coffee/hot chocolate: hot chocolate
[x] hot/cold: hot
[x] cartoons/reality: cartoons
[x] bestfriend/girlfriend: *undecided*
[x] right handed/left handed: both
[x] single/taken: taken
[x] only child/siblings: half brother (bet most of you didnt know that)

[x] regular mouse/cordless mouse: cordless
[x] loud keys on keyboard/quiet keys: i wish mine were quieter
[x] Internet Explorer/Netscape: internet explorer
[x] DVD/VHS: dvd
[x] singer/actor: singer
[x] die young/die old: die happy
[x] black pen ink/blue pen ink: blue
[x] Rolling Stones/Beatles: beatles
[x] Coke/Pepsi: coke

[x] do you plan any instruments?: Guitar, bass, and i make pretend i can play piano
[x] 3 favorite genres of music: Pop punk, ska, grind
[x] Do you think buying merch at a concert then wearing it there is corny: yes, i wear it after the show when my shirt is drenched in sweat
[x] Do you listen to any bands that you'd be ashamed to admit listening to?: Yes I listen to blink 182...deal with it
[x] Do you think labels are dumb?: a little
[x] What do people label you as?: i dont really know
[x] emotional/physical pain: physical
[x] being bored/rushed: rushed

[x] do you believe there's a difference between "love" and "in love"?: yes deffinitely
[x] What song describes your love life right now?: I dunno a happy one I don't really know many love songs
[x] do you sing?: I used to do backup vocals
[x] what color is your room?: off white
[x] BW or color photos: BW
[x] who cuts your hair?: BRANDI!!!!
[x] what color is your hair brush?: the same color as my hand...because my hand is my hair brush
[x] what kind of hair products do you use: Pantene ProV smooth and sleek...thats it
[x] do you like the sound of your own voice when you hear it played back?: nope
[x] do you use internet shorthand: only when Im texting people
[x] how often do you bathe?: once or twice a day
[x] are you a people-pleaser: i try to be
[x] do you wear make-up?: uhhh no

__Last Person Who___
[x] slept in your bed: If you mean aside from me then Amanda
[x] you saw today: I havent seen anyone all day
[x] saw you cry: I dont remember the last time I cried
[x] went to the movies with?: Shawn to see lords of dogtown
[x] went to the mall with: christine yesterday
[x] yelled at you?: mi madre i guess

[x] been to NY?: yes
[x] Florida?: yes
[x] California?: yes
[x] Hawaii?: no
[x] Mexico?: never left the country
[x] Canada?:^^^
[x] dreamed something really crazy and then it happens the next day?: uhh i dont think so
[x] stalked someone?: yes i follow little girls around the mall all the time

___Pick One___
[x] apples or bananas: bananas
[x] red or blue: red
[x] walmart or kmart?: walmart
[x] radio or cd: cd
[x] drawing or painting: drawing

_The Last Few Questions_
[x] lucky number: 7
[x] weirdest thing about you?: I have more earrings than my girlfriend does
[x] What's on your mouse pad?: beads of water
[x] favorite board game?: chutes and ladder
[x] favorite sound: Silence
[x] worst feeling in the world: Being rejected for someone else
[x] what's the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: its too early...then i go back to sleep
[x] do you like scary or exciting rollercoasters: scary

____Do You____
[x] smoke?: no
[x] remember your first love?: yes
[x] still love him/her: no
[x] believe in miracles: no
[x] concider yourself tolerant of others?: I try to be
[x] consider love a mistake: no never
[x] believe in magic: no
[x] have any pets: I want a fishy
[x] have any piercings: first and second holes (both gauged) two cartilage on the left ear and an industrial on the right
[x] hate yourself: once in a while
[x] have an obsession: music
[x] have a secret crush: ummm i kind of date my crush
[x] do they know yet: i should hope so
[x] have a best friend?: shawn
[x] wish on stars: yes
[x] care about looks: i think there has to be a mutual physical attraction for a relationship to work

___Love /Life___
[x] first crush: mmmm this girl whos name i forget...but i started playing bass to impress her...then i quit
[x] single or attached?: attached
[x] do you believe in "the one": yup

___Juicy stuff___
[x] have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing:yes
[x] have you ever been caught "doing something": no
[x] shy to make the first move: i used to be wicked bad but ive gotten better

__His/Her Appeareance__
[x] hair: i seem to go out with girls with brown hair
[x] eyes: i like blue eyes
[x] height: haha i also tend to date short girls

___Last Thing You___
[x] bought: my industrial
[x] ate&drank: tyson buffalo wings

__Where do you__
[x] eat: wendys and sarku japan
[x] cry: everywhere
[x] wish you were: somewhere warm but not hot

__Have You Ever__
[x] dated one of your bestfriends: no
[x] loved somebody so much it made you cry: no
[x] drank alcohol: no
[x] done drugs: no.
[x] broken the law: yeah apparently not wearing a seat belt is grounds for searching me and the backseat of a car
[x] run away from home: no
[x] played truth or dare: yes
[x] been in a fight: no

__Random Questions__
[x] what's on your bedside: my retainer haha
[x] what do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night: i dont generally raid the dridge
[x] what's your secret guaranteed weeping movie: i got really upset over big birds big adventure when i was really young

(1 Greastest Heartbreak | Best Intentions)

Blah [14 Jun 2005|11:39am]
[ mood | sick ]

I'm getting sick and it sucks because my birthday is in a few days. I've been chilling pretty much. Hung out with Jenny the other day and last night we went to the A Loss for Words show with her boyfriend was cool. It was wierd seeing al4w because the last time I saw them was when we played with them at AAR. They also had different people back then. I talked to their new guitarist who seemed to be a really cool kid. It was sweet seeing them again, they're finally breaking out of their shell and got signed and are heading out on tour and stuff. After we got pulled over for speeding and the state cop was a dickwad...I'm not going to get started. Let's just say he thought I had something on me and I'm better than all of you because I go to a prep school. Other than that it's been a pretty blah summer. Nothing truly exciting has happened and I hope that changes in the near future. I'm hanging out with Tony on my birthday so that should be fun. I'm gonna get my tattoo started and I'm excited for that. Okay peace out.

Oh yeah...I threw up on the canal on the cape that me, Pat, and Tim played on in February.

(Best Intentions)

blech [06 Jun 2005|01:53pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I figured I'd do a brief entry cause I'm bored. My prom was Thursday which was cool. Amanda was beautiful as usual. I got prom king which was actually really funny because I thought someone else was gonna get it. After Amanda slept over and we went out to luncht he next day and she left so I spent the rest of the day with Shawn. We've pretty much just been chillin, staying out late and skating and that sorta junk. Me and Amanda are "taking a break" and I'm trying really hard to not get mad at her and give her the space she wants. I graduate this Thursday which is really cool. I'm looking forward to that and me and Meriem's party next week. Should be fun.

(Best Intentions)

Me myself and I [05 Jun 2005|01:46am]
[ mood | sick ]

Birthplace:Brockton MA
Current Location:Holbrook MA
Eye Color:Blue
Hair Color:blondish brown
Right Handed or Left Handed:Both
Your Heritage:Scottish, German, Irish
The Shoes You Wore Today:Black Adidas Samoas
Your Weakness:Hips and lips :-P
Your Fears:Getting screwed over
Your Perfect Pizza:Extra Cheese from dominos
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Survive college?
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:haha
Thoughts First Waking Up:I wish I could sleep later
Your Best Physical Feature:My eyes
Your Bedtime:Lately 3-4am
Your Most Missed Memory:Summer LIAWOG shows at the summit
Pepsi or Coke:coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:Wendys
Single or Group Dates:Depends
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Arizona losers
Chocolate or Vanilla:chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:neither
Do you Smoke:no
Do you Swear:I started to but I wish I didnt
Do you Sing:I can do backup vocals and do screamy junk if that counts
Do you Shower Daily:Usually twice
Have you Been in Love:Yes
Do you want to go to College:I am
Do you want to get Married:some day
Do you belive in yourself:Ocassionally
Do you get Motion Sickness:no
Do you think you are Attractive:More than I used to be thats for sure
Are you a Health Freak:No
Do you get along with your Parents:My moms like my sister so we fight but we also get along
Do you like Thunderstorms:Yes
Do you play an Instrument:two
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Nope
In the past month have you Smoked:Nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Yes
In the past month have you gone on a Date:I guess
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Yeap
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:yes
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:no
In the past month have you been on Stage:sadly no
In the past month have you been Dumped:no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:Uhhh a drink from the wrap maybe
Ever been Drunk:No
Ever been called a Tease:yes
Ever been Beaten up:no
Ever Shoplifted:no
How do you want to Die:I want my guitar amp to blow me up on stage
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Audio Production major/pediatrician
What country would you most like to Visit:Australia
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:I like Amandas blue/green a lot
Favourite Hair Color:I seem to have a thing for girls with brown hair
Short or Long Hair:long
Weight:not anorexic and not fat?
Best Clothing Style:Mm it depends on the girl
Number of Drugs I have taken:1
Number of CDs I own:A lot?
Number of Piercings:7...I have more than my girlfriend
Number of Tattoos:
Number of things in my Past I Regret:Not many


(1 Greastest Heartbreak | Best Intentions)

[03 Jun 2005|06:28pm]
This is some funny stuff.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Who would've thought haha.

(2 Greastest Heartbreaks | Best Intentions)

... [31 May 2005|09:23pm]
[ mood | crazy ]


So lately I've been going out with this girl Amanda whom is amazing. I really like her a lot and I kind of rushed certain things but it's an easily fixed issue. However, instead of just accepting that this is easy and letting things happen I've been bored and sitting at home. During this time of sitting at home I've gone through many moods, most of which I do not enjoy. I spend a lot of time thinking too much and overanalyzing things and creating problems that aren't real in my head. I then take these fake problems and blow them way out of proportion but I know they're not real. I then think "oh these problems aren't real" then I'm fine and I rinse and repeat the whole process, sending my emotions on a wonderful roller coaster of hell.

I really don't know what to do with myself. I'm losing faith in the music scene very consistently. I don't really want to bother playing music anymore because it doesn't seem to serve a purpose. All it is nowadays is people punching each other to the heaviest breakdown and lyrics don't matter. I'm sick of unoriginal crap. I just want to have fun and enjoy myself but if I make music I enjoy nobody else is going to enjoy it and it'll probably be me writing songs by myself in my room. I dunno this is stupid. I just want to be happy the way I used to be. Last summer was amazing. I had so much fun with my shows and I was happy with all my friends and girlfriend and it was an overall amazing summer. Trip to NY and Penn were amazing with LIAWOG. I feel like the people that should miss these times as much as I do don't even give a fuck which makes me wonder if they were ever really friends/family to begin with. Here I go creating another problem. Although this is a real problem that I should've just let go of by now. I wish I could have a fun band with fun shows and enjoy it while being with Amanda. I think that's what I need. Either that...I need a therapist.

This is kind of therapeutic. I guess getting emotions out somewhere helps. I haven't really been playing any form of instrument at all lately. I'll ocassionally pick up my guitar and strum for a few minutes but then I put it down and I'm done for. I graduate high school in 9 days, I don't know why I'm not having the time of my life right now. I should be out enjoying it. I have a girlfriend, I'm going to prom with her in two days, I was class president, and I graduate in 9 days. On paper my life sounds pretty fantastic, and I have to say I enjoy it a lot. It just seems like right now I'm in a horrid rut and I'm taking it out on the wrong people. So to the people I've been doing this to, I'd say mostly Amanda and Meriem, I'm sorry. I've been naggy haha. Hopefully this summer will be good. Good bye for the last time from me in my high school years. Next time I will be a high school graduate.

(Best Intentions)

[21 May 2005|08:06pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

Theyre good....

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

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